I try to avoid the news, and especially any comment sections on the news, because I don’t have time to cry and eat Häagen-Dazs every day. Somehow in the last little while I’ve still managed to come upon some shiny gems of wisdom.
Misogyny is justified because women are vapid whores who won’t give up the sex to short guys. Unless the woman is over 300 pounds, then she might. If she’s ugly.
Muslims are all filthy animals who don’t deserve to be integrated into western society. Because duh, OBVS all thinking humans are aching to be whitewashed and assimilated. And when white people blow shit up, it’s because g-d told them to, not some bullshit heathen fucking reason.
Transgender people shouldn’t be allowed to serve in the military because of their mental illness. Even though, y’know, thousands of them have already been serving on the down-low. I dunno. Maybe wanting to protect people who view you as subhuman is part of their sickness.
Little girls should stop dressing so provocatively (i.e. bathing suits, shorts, anything less than full body armor) because they’re causing old men to have pedophiliac thoughts. Because it’s hard to tell if a girl is 13 or 18 when you’re looking at her ass. And men are biologically programed to spread their seed. You can’t expect them to control themselves.
Women aren’t fit to be president. (This one came from a woman.) Which is just silly because OBVS my vagina is built like Fort Knox and ready to store all of the USA’s secrets.
I was thinking of writing some huge, serious, in-depth blog post about all of this. But then I decided, fuck that shit. No one ever reads that crap anyway, and no one is interested in having their mind changed.
My new policy is thus: when I see someone holding forth on one of these subjects I will now be posting my own version of it in the voice of Kim Kardashian.
And I will only be replying to comments with the lyrics of Kanye West.
Consider yourselves warned.