I Can Dance on My Own Grave, Thank You.

So last month I took a little break from the internetz, coming online strictly to work and briefly check in with friends for 2 hours every 3-5 days. I did miss keeping up with everyone’s posts and also entering contests, BUT overall I felt it was a much more focused and efficient system. Healthier.
 
You know what I didn’t miss? Waking up to tweets like this:
 
“California passes a law that allows sick weirdos to give children their AIDS blood…Deadly California wildfires start soon after.”
 
“I’m waiting for California to beg for money. Thought you didn’t want to be part of our United States.”
 
Among many others reveling in the death and destruction. Because someone doesn’t agree with your politics, they deserve to suffer and die horrifically? Lose everything they own? Because someone is gay or transgender or not perfectly legal in this country, their existence is null and void?
 
It’s weird how I didn’t see a single “libtard snowflake” celebrating the shooting massacre in Vegas or laughing about congressmen being shot in D.C. Or saying that it was a sign from God that he wants less guns.
 
Apparently God only sends signs to the fags and the brown people.
 
Anyway. I don’t fit in this world. I don’t really know how to live in it. I don’t understand how this can seriously be what anyone wants for their children, their families.
 
I know I’ve been ranting a lot for the past few days, and that’s where it’s coming from, re-exposure to so much ugliness. How do people stop being shocked? It’s shocking to me every single time.
 
I know, no one is forcing me to read these things, to interact with these people. The internet is the best echo chamber, it’s easy to find a place where only your own thoughts are reflected back at you. But this is what I struggle with. I went from being very hateful and angry when I was younger to trying to follow the path of pacifism. I’m obviously still angry. I’ve come a long way though. I hardly ever just automatically throat punch idiots anymore.
 
But I very much believe that silence IS a form of violence. Turning your head, refusing to see, not speaking out. Not caring. Sitting quietly by while horrific things happens makes you complicit.
 
However, I’m retreating back into my fairytale, at least for a little while. It’s ironic, it’s Halloween month but the monsters are all human. I won’t let them ruin my October, though. I’m going to luxuriate in beauty and creativity and exquisitely tactile sensations. New experiences and sacred traditions.
 
I have the garden to close up and late night bonfires to host. I have 40 eggplants and buckets of bell peppers, hot peppers, beets, mounds of green tomatoes and the last tiny red ones that all need to be dealt with. We have been spoiled all summer with delicious, fresh food. We will be spoiled all winter with veggie soups and stews, sauces, salsas, sautees. I’m not gonna lie, I’m proud of myself, of this industriousness. I’m thankful to nature and her cooperation.
 
Yesterday I made cheddar biscuits, filled with handfuls of the sharpest freshly shredded cheese and brushed with garlic herb butter.
 
Today I will make apple pies, drizzling the crust with a honey sugar glaze. When I am done, I will share one with my neighbors and share one with a friend. And I will hope that somehow all of the good, small things are enough to push back against the tidal wave of bad.